The Inspiration for wanting to work with animals poem

 

 



Screams echo down the hall

A girl covers her ears

Glass shatters on the wall

A girl trembles in fear

 

A dog by her side

Comforting her

As she shudders terrified

While these horrific experiences occur

 

The dog passes with time

The girl mourns for her loss

But knows she is going to be fine overtime

Because now the girl has a cause

 

Helping animals is what she will do

Just like her dog has helped her

Now she has to see her dream through

She knows the rest of her life will be better

 

The girl washed away her fear

Became a better person

Now there is no one to interfere

She can go after her aspiration

 

Today she chases her dreams in a sprint

She realize it is going to be a journey

With twist, and turns, and a few hints                          

But she knows she is worthy

The Last Few Days of High School

 Seeing all your high school friends for the last time, but knowing you can't wait to get out of high school. It seems like forever ago when I was a freshman thinking this day would never come, that it seemed so far away, and that we were all trapped in the hell called highschool, and now graduation is next week. Right around the corner.  But remebering all the great times you had in high school being young, wild, crazy and foolish. Its all bittersweet, because there were some great glorious moments in high school that seemed like they could last forever, but also some devastating tragedies that happened that felt like they would never end.
 It is all been like a roller coaster, but now the ride is at the end and your just waiting for the bars that hold you down to unlocked so that you can get out of your seat and go onto the next roller coaster. But  as you get up you still feel the adrenaline pumping through you as your remeber all the ups and downs, the twist and  turns, and the surprising drops.
I will never forget the roller coaster that is called high school. I will grow and learn from it, and hopefully keep in contact as long as I can with my high school friends that motivated me to go on the roller coaster, and sat by me to hold my hand when I got scared.

Immigrants Make America

I have always loved my country. American, the land of the free. Where we learn as  little kids how to sing all the patriotic songs in harmony. I don't think I would want to live anywhere else than America. Because I have heard of how other countries are like, and I am glad to be an American. I am glad to have the freedom to do whatever I want when I want in my country, and that I have the power to vote.

However, too often I hear a native born American say that they hate America and that wished they lived somewhere else. I really don't understand this, because do they not see the news and how horrible some other countries are compared to America. They have never been outside America and have seen the tragedies and disasters some countries have to put up with. If they do go out side of America it's to a vacation spot where nothing is really wrong. I have never been outside of America, but I see the news and travel channels about how some countries are, and I am glad my country is not like that and that I am free to do what I want to do. America is not perfect, but its better off than some other countries. I am proud of my country, and I'm excited to vote in this upcoming election now that I am finally 18. But I know some of my friends that also turn 18 and they just don't care. What happen when everybody was glad they where Americans and they stuck up for their country.

Today, I saw this commercial about an immigrant that had came to America and is now training for the upcoming Olympics. I thought that was so great, and he started saying that he came to America to live "the American Dream." It has been a long time since I heard that, and it kind of touched me. It also got me thinking: what does America mean to native born citizens and to immigrants. I think America means more to immigrants, because they have been in those countries where they didn't have so many freedoms and then they come the America and they think its the greatest thing in the world. They don't complain about the economy because their countries probably had worst economy. There just big dreamers. I think immigrants is what made America, and it is still making America till this day. Technically where all immigrants except the Native Americans. We all came her one day to find the same freedoms people are still looking for. So I think native born Americans just get wrapped up in their American bubble, and don't really see what America has given them.

I have a few friends that are immigrants, and have the same attitude. There glad they came to America to live a better life. I know one who came from Spain where the men in her house were abusive and her mother ran away came to America. Now, she is about to graduate, just like me. She told me if she never came to America she would not be graduating high school and probably be a young girl working. I know another friend who came to America, who is an illegal immigrant and she is scared everyday to be aborted, but she loves America too, and she has been here since she was a baby, and doesn't even remember her other country. Every immigrant I know loves America because it has given them opportunities that their countries haven't.
That's why I think sometimes America means more to immigrants, then us ignorant native born Americans who have never seen some of the other countries that don't have opportunities as America.

PROM 2012!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well Prom was last night and it was terrific!!! I got my hair done, and it took about an hour xD. I got ready for about an hour, then we took pictures. It was great getting ready. I felt so beautiful! Then we went on a party bus. This bus was so cool it had a stripper pole, and colorful lasier lights, and a great sound sysem. This bus was legit! Prom was amazing! The only downside I would say to prom was that the food wasen't so great, and there were not enough tables for everyone. Other than that I had a great time! I took my photos, and then started dancing all night long with anybody and everybody. It was so fun, and I am kinda glad I didn't have a date because I would be linked to that person all night. my friend who just brought another of my guy friend as a prom date just because she wanted a prom date, and she kept ditching him and grinding with other guys... I thought that was pretty shitty. Oh well... I had a great time I danced crazy and sang the the songs. It was great. I am glad I didn't have a prom date because I am hearing about some people being sad they where linked to someone all night. While I was wild and crazy and linked to no one. Prom was 8pm to 12am
My friends and I got on the party bus, and it was deffinately more wilder than on the trip there, because everybody was wired. There were actually people getting on the stripper pole. lol. We were dancing and singing crazy.
We went to after prom at 1am, and it was great! there was dodge ball bounce house! omg that was so much fun, but it was like world war III in there. Then they had big tricycle races. There was also a vegas and I found out I am really good at blackjack, but suck at poker and coin machines. XD
I played blackjack most of the time and drank any caffine I could get my hands on. At 4am we got our raffle tickets and put them in the raffle boxes... I had about 10ish raffle tickets and put some towards the car, moped, and 360 kinect, but sadly I didn't win anything :*( I was upset, but I ended up comming home with a 140 dollars when I only brought 20 :) So it wasn't all lost, but one of my friends won the 360 kinect, so I was happy for him. I am sad I didn't win something, but thats alright. I got out of after prom at 5am, got home, and took a shower, jumped into bed and as soon as my head hit the pillow I was dead. XD
I had the time of my life and I just want to rewind and do it again!!! I hope there are many more crazy fun nights like this in my life. Because I love to party! This night was truely unforgetable... There is so much more than what I mentioned, I just don't know how to describe it, but it was magical.

Weight

What I have seen lately is that everybody is obsessed with being super model skinny. I have struggled with my weight for a long time now... I am not extremely overweight, but I'm not super skinny. I have tried everything in the book: Diets, no sweets/junk food, exercises. I also play softball. For my height and weight the BMW calculator says I am overweight, but I asked my doctor about it one day, and he said from exercises I have a lot of muscle on my body and muscle weighs more than fat, but he suggested a healthy diet and exercises... which I've been doing... Sometimes doctors say the most pointless things...
One day I just gave up...I stopped obsessing about my weight, because I am the way god made me, and I don't need to be supper skinny to be beautiful. This way of thinking has made me so much happier and confident in myself. I am a healthy weight with a healthy diet and exercises. I just try my best to eat a healthy diet, and on occasions have some sweets and not just cut them out completely. I think that's why diets don't work because of craving for sweets will always be there and they will just build up if you try to ignore them; then a week later your eating a tub of ice cream and hating yourself. I also try to work out as many days as I can... I mostly end up working out on weekends most often, then maybe 2-3 times during the week day. I actually try to work out every other day, because one day I work out the next I am sore... I like to give myself a day to get over the soreness because I don't want to hurt myself. I also like to keep my work out interesting and not doing the same old thing everyday, like one day I will go swimming, then jogging, then bicycling. On the days I do work out it is about 1-2 hours. So that's what I do to try to give myself a healthy body.

I have seen my friends suffer from weight issues like I have, and it breaks my heart. I seen a friend become bulimic, and another one  is suffering with anorexia, and I wish I could do something or say something to help them, but when you tell them they are skinny they don't believe you, and if you say "that's not healthy and you shouldn't do that" it doesn't help either, because they don't like doing it; they just feel like they have to. So I always just end up saying "You are beautiful the way you are, and you shouldn't let anybody tell you otherwise." For me this was a difficult task also... sometimes looking in the mirror and thinking positive thoughts is hard. I try my best to stop thinking negative thoughts about myself and other; and it has helped out tremendously. I have a low confidence but trying my best to think positive has built my confidence up to where I feel like saying "you can take me the way I am or you can just leave with your opinions."
Magazines and Media don't help either: naming beautiful women that makes it look like being super skinny is effortless... and naming "the most beautiful person in the world is ____" I think that is kinda shitty, because there are beautiful people everywhere that aren't celebrities, actors, or models. How can you know who the most beautiful person is if you don't know everybody in the world?
What I think is that everybody is beautiful inside and out, no matter what. God made us all the way we where and he made us beautiful, and we don't have to do anything to change our natural beauty. So people, magazines, and media need to wake up and see what real beauty is, like nature and natural things. Not just people who hire other people to do their hair and make up.

Well that is my rant about self image issues... I was just disgusted reading a magazine talking about all the beautiful celebrities and what it takes to be beautiful. When natural beauty is simple, effortless, and amazing.

Nightmares, My Past, and Moving On.

Eyes burst open, hearts pounding, and your out of breath. You keep telling your self it was just a nightmare, its just a nightmare, but it's not just a nightmare because it has actually happened in your past.


Zolie My Dog, R.I.P You will always be in my heart Zolie.
The dog that followed me when I ran away.

I have horrible nightmares of my past with my mom. When my mom lost her job at AT&T she started getting depressed but looking for another job. During this time she would get really drunk and become a monster. She was a total different person than her normally mom self. I was in the 7th-9th grade. This is one of the most horrible parts of my past. My mom would try to attack me when she was drunk. I remember the first time I fought back. She came in my room screaming something I couldn't understand, she wanted me to do something, but I didn't know what she wanted me to do. So as I normally did I ignored her drunk self. She grabbed my legs and jerked me forward to try to hit me, and I got scared and kicked her in the face. She hit the wall and fell down. I watched her, and she started screaming furiously again and started to get up. I was scared, and I just ran. Hurried up and put my tenny shoes on and just sprinted out of the house and away from her. I ran till I knew she wasn't following me. when I looked back my favorite dog Zolie was following me. I went to her and hugged her knowing at least someone loves me. After that me and Zolie walk aimlessly for hours; just going anywhere and everywhere away from that house. I finally decided to call my older sister, because even though she left me alone in that house to defend for my self I know she still cared for me, and she never meant to abandon me; she just had to get out of that hell hole also. But at the time it did feel like she had abandoned me when she left to live with her boyfriend. When Misty brought me home my mom started to say I'm sorry, and I reminded myself how ugly she was. Attacking me then trying to buy me with presents and fake love.
There where many more attacks like these, countless attack from my mom when she was drunk. I still have nightmares of most of them.
I remember I use to tell my dad, and he never believed me, because he would go ask her and she said I was making up lies. In the end, it hurt me because I felt like I couldn't trust my own dad either.
On mothers day in 8th grade, I did everything I could to make my mom happy. I made her a huge card, and we went out to eat and to the mall. We had a great day, but we came home. My parents started fighting and I did as I normally did during their fights... hide in my room. Later that night my mom came into my room and told me she had the worst day, and I was a horrible daughter. This has scared me for life... I still see this almost every time I close my eyes. Well, I didn't feel the need to live anymore and I took all the pills I could. I started breathing really heavily, and my vision was blurry... I got really scared, and called my sister. My sister ended up telling my parents... the last memory I have really is my parents screaming at me and my mom driving me to the ER with lights everywhere.
When I woke up my mom was sitting by my hospital bed and I asked her if she was mad at me, and she said she was disappointed in me. This is the absolute worst thing you can tell a depressed child like I was.
What no one else really knows is that after that I also tried suicide 2 more times, but obviously it didn't work. I tried cutting my self and jumping off my house, and some other things. I know they were stupid ideas.

After everything I begged my Grandpa and Uncles to take me in at their house because I was miserable there. They took me in and I am still grateful to this day, cause I truly believed I would of succeeded with killing myself if I stayed.

My 7 year old spunky beautiful little sister

In the end, my mom texted me and asked me if I moved out because of her, and I said yes. After that, my mom ran away to Louisiana with my baby sister. The only good thing about my mom was her bringing Haylee my 7 year old beautiful, spunky, sister to the world. We were all worried about her that time. After we got Haylee back, my mom and dad got an official divorce, and My older sister and I fought for my dad to have custody over Haylee. I think I caused this, and I am regret for that, but I am glad they got a divorce for my little sister. Because she can live in a happier house with no fighting parents.

However, getting out of the hell house wasn't the end. I suffered from anger issues. I just get so mad at everyone sometimes that I can't control it. I think I have anger issues because of the horrors I've been through in my past. It was worst first getting out of the house, but I now I have a more firm hand on them. I remember the first step to trying to help my self be happy and not mad; was when my older sister told me I had anger issues and that I needed to see a therapist about it, and then I asked my cousin who said yes, sometimes I do. After that I tried just being happy and loving life and thinking positive thoughts. I have realized the moments I build up to anger and when I realize them I just try to breath. Sometimes if that doesn't work I go running, because it always cools me down and exhausts me. This has helped a little, but I am never cured from getting angry. Getting angry scares me, because I don't want to be angry and say what I think at the moment but a lot of times I can't control it. It scares me because its like my mom, and I am terrified of being like my mom. If someone says "your like your mom" that's the worst insult ever to me. However, how happy I try to be I am never fully cured of my past.
I still wake up from realistic nightmares. But I try to move on the best I can. Its hard when you see your past almost every night. I try to make it look like they don't bother me, and I never really told anyone about the horrific events.

In the end, I have forgiven my sister for "abandoning me" and my dad for not trusting me. However, I don't fully forgive my mom... She has scared me for life and hurt me physically and mentally... and I will never forget. I go visit her sometimes because my little sister visits her, and I want to make sure Haylee is safe. My mom stopped drinking which I find great.  My mom tries to buy me gifts and buy my love back, but that's not how it works. I don't think I will ever fully forgive my mom, but I do care for her well being some what, because she is my mom and she is trying to be better. I just hope she learns from her mistake with Me and Misty, because she will not get another chance. One hurtful act towards my little sister who might be the only person who fully loves her and I will make sure she never sees her again. Because I will not have my little sister going through the same thing I went though. My older sister Misty never got hurt physically like I did, but my mom screwed up her credit when she turned 18 by putting things in her name and putting her in debt.

Now, I am happy as I can be, and when I look back at the sad suicidal girl I use to be I don't even recognize myself anymore.

I recently read a book called "Elephant Girl" by Jane devin that made me realize my life wasen't so bad, and their are people that have worst lives. It also made me believe I can move on from my past. This book is a true story about a girl struggling in her life. This book has helped me move on, and start this blog, I would recomend anyone that Is struggling to read it, because it is truely inspiring.

AVID Baquet and Giving A Speech!

In my Senior AVID class I got selected to say a speech at our baquet. I was so nervous and I was working on it for a whole week before, and practicing it anally.

Well May 15, 2012 at 6:00p.m. was when the AVID baquet was. That day I helped set up decorations intill 4:00p.m. Then went home to get ready. Getting  getting all dolled up for the baquet was wonderful! I went to the AVID baquet, and everybody told me how pretty and amazing I looked! Confidance boost!!!! Just what I needed. De'andre gave the oppening speech; it was very touching and I was surprised because he is mostly a funny guy always making everybody laugh. After that they showed slide shows of the seniors and it had our baby pictures and where we were going to college. It was great to see all the seniors baby pictures. After that was dinner and it was okay, but desert was best! They had jello shots, cake balls, cookie cake, chocolate cake, cookies, german chocolate pie, ect. It was like heavan for a fat person like me :D !!!

After dinner was my Senior Comment Speech and I was so nervous giving it:

Senior Comment Speech

Hello, I am Jessie Edwards an AVID senior; Thank you for coming today.

 I feel success is an understatement for The Lamar AVID program this year. Our senior class has accomplished so much that I personally feel honored to be a part of this AVID family. The Lamar AVID program is not just a group of individuals but a family whose bond is held together by the dreams of success that we all commonly share. The integrity of this program has been strengthened through the help of our knowledgeable and supportive AVID facilitators and teachers whom we will be eternally grateful for all of their hard work, dedication, and support for us. We have been extremely blessed to have received the opportunities that AVID has provided to us, and the people we have been allowed to work with. As the years have gone by in AVID we the students have grown closer each day. I have met some of the most amazing friends in AVID, and I thank the AVID program for giving me the chance to know these people. I know each AVID senior is going somewhere in their lives and they will not fail to succeed at their dreams; even though their dreams might change over time. AVID has encouraged the seniors since day one. In freshman and sophomore years AVID taught us the proper study techniques for our classes and future college classes. In sophomore and junior year AVID started taking us on trips to visit colleges to help us decide which college was best for us. Senior year Mrs. Burt pushed us to get into college, and apply for scholarships. I would like to thank Mrs. Burt for being the best AVID mom ever, and making me laugh every single day I was in her class. She has inspired us to reach our goal and beyond. I looked forward to my AVID senior class every single A day because we have a good time but also work hard. I would also like to thank all the other AVID teachers who have spent valuable hours helping the AVID program; like Mr. Teer for helping out when he can, and Mrs. Silva for lending her classroom for AVID meetings. One of the best moments of my AVID life was making it to the top of the Guadalupe Mountain with a sprained ankle. I would like to thank Mr. Horton who kept telling us that it was only one more mile when it was really more than that. Without that I don’t think I would have made it, but I am glad that I did make it up the mountain because being on top of Texas with my fellow AVID friends was one of the best feelings in the world.  That same feeling is with me as I do the last sprint to graduation, but the first step towards my career. 

I was so nervous giving my speech, but when I looked down and saw my friend Margo smiling up at me it all just came out perfectly. So when I got done Mrs. Burt came up and hugged me it was a great momment. I have never done anything like this in my life. Never ever have I publically spoken like this! It was amazing and I will never forget it. It turned out perfect even though I was nervous. I am just glad everybody loved it.

After my speech Mr. Davis gave a speech and he quoted me! on the "only one more mile". I felt so accomplished that I got quoted, and today he told me I said some great things. I am still on cloud 9.

I won two awards this night also; which are Outstanding citizenship, and Most Likely to Take A Bullet. I was so happy when I got these awards I was smiling to ear to ear. It felt great to be recognize.

The baquet was very bittersweet cause all my AVID senior friends where there together, and I know we are all going to split up, but this was a day of celebration of the best year ever with them. I hope they have successful lives.